My best guess is that this packet contains a saline compound to simulate the salt flats in Utah from which Sea Monkeys are mined from. At first, I thought the packet contained something that removed the chlorine from the water, but letting the water go tepid on it’s own will usually remove chlorine all by itself. Then you add the water purifier to it, stir it around and then let it sit for 24 hours. The first day’s step is to take the bottled water and pour it into the aquarium to the fill line on the side. All shrimping activities are always made better by adding booze. You supply the bottled water, plastic fork and alcoholic drink. DAY 1 Here’s everything you need to brew shrimps in your own home.Ī little aquarium, water purifier, eggs and food. So, here’s my step by step guide for screwing up a pet that’s guaranteed to live for two years, complete with leaving a shitty review of the product on Amazon. But they have been using state-of-the-art technology for the last two decades to genetically engineer this new breed of Sea Monkeys to be massive and predisposed to be constantly horny, focused on breeding the next generation. They were microscopic and boring, and only lasted a week or two until they accidentally lost their habitat and ended up as grape Kool-Aid. I had Sea Monkeys once as a kid and found them to be ….underwhelming at best. But I could still buy Sea Monkeys! They even transcended from selling them exclusively through the comics to plying their goods on Amazon, where I found a complete kit for Sea Monkey farming for $12.99! The kit contains everything you need to start growing your very own tank of freaky little shrimp things and keep them alive and cycling through generations for two years. I couldn’t order the X-Ray Specs anymore, I’m pretty sure they sold all of their inventory to the TSA to help protect our freedom at America’s airports. “ INSTANT LIFE” “JUST ADD WATER!!” “X-RAY SPECS THAT LET YOU SEE UNDER CLOTHING!” The answer then immediately came to me while thumbing through old copies of Green Lantern comics. As long as I could find one that took minimal effort, time, did not shed, was cheap and hardy enough to survive a few weeks without food. I just don’t have nearly enough time or attention span to give ol’ Fido everything he deserves.īut pets can still be cool. On top of these common gripes, I’m barely competent enough to be put in charge of taking care of another human being. I’m grossed out enough as it is when I have to use pliers to extract two-pound hairballs out of the shower drain. The fuzzy types of common pets shed nonstop, and they manage to get hair on every square centimeter of every surface in your home. Sure, they can comfort you when you are sad and are usually happy to see you when you get home, but most of the time they spend their existence crapping all over the place when they aren’t hellbent on completely destroying it. I’m not a huge fan of keeping animal hostages indefinitely in my house.
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